Strange Feeling

I have this strange feeling inside of me. Within the exterior walls, I feel light. I'm not quite sure why, maybe it's because of what happened today.

Today I woke up, went through the motions and went to class. I had an exam today. It wasn't particularly easy, nor was it hard. It was challenging. I liked it. But what was once a relaxed body became tense, almost uneasy. Not because of the test, but because of decision making. Looking forward is freaky.

I got a call today. I was offered an internship; full-time. I was excited. And anxious. Full-time is what will consume me in a year's time. But I do like what I do. I just don't like how much life I am going to use on civilization. I want to be free. But at the same time, civilization keeps me ... I don't know what it keeps me. Busy? Why do I want to be busy? Productive? That's all relative. I know I don't want to be a nobody. Nobody wants to be a nobody. It scares the hell out of me. The feeling of accomplishment is good.

I got another call today. A non-profit wants to talk to me about an internship. It is very noble to work for a non-profit. These are the people that help other people directly and wholeheartedly. It's the humanity that drives them. Compassion - what some people lack today. Life needs to take a class in ethics and moral values. Maybe not mine, but maybe mine. Maybe everyone.

This is supposed to make me feel better. It did for a minute, then I read over what I just wrote and now I feel weird again.